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The loss of an animal companion, whether due to death,
being lost or stolen, or placement in a new home, may be one of
the most devastating and painful experiences we ever face. For many,
such a loss is as traumatic as losing a family member or a dear
friend and can trigger an intense grieving process.
Grieving for a loved animal is a natural and normal
reaction and will vary from person to person.
Shock, denial and feelings of anger and guilt are
frequently felt upon learning our pet is terminally ill, injured
or dead; these feelings may last minutes to weeks. Typically there
is a sense of numbness, disorientation or unreality. As we struggle
to come to terms with the reality of the loss, many of us will experience
waves of grief and intense painful awareness, alternating with periods
of exhaustion and automatic functioning.
A sense of disorganization often represents the lowest
point of the grief process. We frequently feel aimless, hopeless
and depressed because of the void left by the loss. Reorganization
and resolution of the grief may occur days, weeks or even years
later as we work through our feelings and begin to rediscover and
reconnect with life. As time passes, we can focus more on fond memories
and less on the pain of separation.
We may experience all, some or none of the above reactions
and the timing and intensity of these feelings varies among individuals.
It is important to acknowledge our feelings, whatever they may be,
and give ourselves permission to grieve.
When our animal companion is lost, a significant inner
bond is broken. We become separate once again. The work of pet loss
support groups is to create a safe environment for sharing our stories
about that part of us that has died and to learn to reclaim a sense
of wholeness within ourselves.
Since its establishment in 1988, the Pet Loss Support
Group of the Human
Animal Bond Trust has provided a weekly gathering for individuals
grieving the loss of a pet companion. The support group has received
local media attention in the Rocky Mountain News, The Denver Post,
KMGH News and KUSA News, as well as in a three-part news feature
"Healing the Heart." Each group is facilitated by a licensed
therapist and is available at no cost to the participants. The Trust
offers referrals for individual grief counseling and music, art
or movement therapy. The Human
Animal Bond Trust also provides educational seminars for veterinary
professionals and the public.
The Pet Loss Support Group meets every Thursday evening from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at the Denver Area Veterinary Medical Society office at 191 Yuma Street in Denver, 303-318-0447. There is no cost to attend one or
many meetings and no need to call before attending. Please bring
a picture of your pet if possible.
The Pet Loss Support Group is Sponsored by: The
Denver Area Veterinary Medical Society and The Annual Putting For
Pets Golf Tournament.
- Attend a support group.
- Don't be afraid of your feelings; be open to sharing
them.
- Exercise, eat right and get plenty of rest.
- Involve yourself in activities that are comforting
or enjoyable.
- Avoid alcohol and other drugs that can intensify
feelings of depression.
- Manage one day at a time.
- As soon as you learn of the loss, get in touch;
it is never too late to offer concern and support.
- Silence is OK. There is comfort in quiet company.
- Instead of cliches that might minimize the loss,
simply say "I'm sorry" or "How can I help."
It is helpful to talk openly about the loss.
- Be accepting of your friend's feelings, whatever
they may be.
- Try not to be upset or uncomfortable if your friend
cries. Remember that tears can be healing.
- Don't be afraid to offer a hug to your friend.
- Try to plan activities you can do together. If
one offer is declined, don't be hurt and don't give up.
- Be patient; grief is an individual process and
resolution comes at different times for different people.
- Remember your friend on special days such as birthdays
and holidays, as well as the anniversary date of the loss, times
when the loss will be more acutely felt.
Staffed by University of Florida veterinary students
Weekdays, 7:00 to 9:00 p.m., EST
(352) 392-2213 then 1 and 4080
Staffed by Michigan State University veterinary students
Tuesday - Thursday, 6:30 to 9:30 p.m., EST
(517) 432-2696
Staffed by Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary
Medicine
Tuesday and Thursday, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., EST
(540) 231-8038
The Ohio State University Companion Animal Listening Line
(614) 292-1823
M-F 6:30 pm - 9:30 pm EST
Sat-Sun 10 am 4 pm EST
(Most hotline volunteers are veterinary students, therefore hours are dependant on volunteer availability and may be more limited during summer
months.)
Staffed by Tufts University veterinary students
Tuesday and Thursday, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., EST
(508) 839-7966
Staffed by Iowa State University veterinary students
Weekdays, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., CST
(888) 478-7574
Staffed by Cornell University veterinary students
Tuesday to Thursday, 6:00 to 9:00 p.m., EST
(607) 253-3932
Iams Pet Loss Support Resource Center
(888) 332-7738
The American Society for The Prevention of Cruelty
to Animals
24 hours Stephanie LaFarge, Ph.D.
(800) 946-4646 pin #140-7211 and leave your number
Fax (212) 860-3435
Rogers, F., When a Pet Dies, Putnam Publishing, 1988
Rylant, C., Dog Heaven, Scholastic, Inc., Blue Sky Press,
1995
Viorst, J., The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, Antheneum,
1972
White, E., Charlottes's Web, Harper and Row, 1952
Anderson, M., Coping With Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet,
Peregrine Press, 1987
Fitzgerald, H., The Grieving Child: A Parent's Guide, Fireside,
(1992)
Kay, T., To Dance With the White Dog, Washington Square Press,
1990
Kay, W., et al, Pet Loss and Human Bereavement, Iowa State
University Press, 1984
McElroy, S., Animals as Teachers & Healers, NewSage Press,
1996
Montgomery, M. and Montgomery, H., A Final Act of Caring: Ending
the Life of An Animal Friend, Montgomery Press, 1993
Neiburg, H., et al, Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and
Children, Harper and Row, 1982
Quintana, M.L., Veleba, S.L., & King, H., It's Okay to Cry:
Warm, Compassionate Stories that Help You Find Hope and Healing
After the Death of a Beloved Pet, K & K Communications,
(1998)
Schaffer, D. & Lyons, C., How Do You Tell the Children: A
Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children Two to Teen Cope When Someone
Dies, Newmarket Press, (1993)
Sife, Wallace, The Loss of a Pet: A Guide to Coping With The
Grieving Process When a Pet Dies, MacMillan Pub. Howell Book
House, (1998)
Traisman, E., My Personal Pet Remembrance Journal, Direct
Book Services, (800) 776-2665, 1996
Human Animal Bond Trust
The Association for
Pet Loss and Bereavement
Cornell
University Pet Loss Support Hot Line
We are a private nonprofit organization. We spend an average of $300 on every animal adopted, over and above the fee paid by the patron. If you would like to help us, you can click here to make a secure online donation or print out a donation form and mail or fax it to us.
The Dumb Friends League respects the privacy of its donors. We do not sell or exchange any individual donor information. For details on our privacy policy, click here.
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