The Real Housecats of Denver

Drumroll, please! Introducing the Real Housecats of Denver. Unlike their human counterparts, those notoriously tacky Real Housewives of Everywhere, who toss cocktails into each other’s faces, overturn dinner tables and pull each other’s hair during catfights in limousines, the Real Housecats of Denver are a classier breed. While their spoiled, socialite sisters routinely bare their lacquered claws and yowl insults across five-star restaurants and on booze cruises to the Caribbean, the Real Housecats of Denver spread only grace, joy and beauty in their wake.

Fabulous Mimi
“I’m just fabulously full of love.”

Of course, like the Housewives, these genteel pussycats do expect to be petted and pampered. They thrive on luxury. The Real Housecats of Denver would never turn down a cashmere cat bed, a rhinestone-studded collar or a maribou boa dangling from a string—especially not one made to look like the bright feathers of a parakeet. But that’s because they’re worth it. No matter where they’re from or how life has treated them up to now, these kitties are all simply fabulous, and they know it. Why shouldn’t they be indulged with personal water faucet valets, organic kibble and endless reruns of Finding Nemo on the big screen TV?

The Real Housecats of Denver have a reputation for magnificence to uphold. So they spend hours each day grooming—themselves and each other—and swap tips for looking their best at all times. (“Veronica, how do you keep your belly fur so white?” “Ginger, you should try nibbling a ficus leaf or two each day—it’s good for the digestion.”)

“This is the class I’d bring to my forever home.”

Natural acrobats, the Real Housecats of Denver thrive on play and know how to create their own fun. Even the mature matrons among them have been known to toss-and-catch the occasional stuffed mouse with undimmed skill. They are universally poised and light-footed, able to balance, ballerina-like, on window ledges, flower pots and balconies.

They’re material girls, into accumulating toys galore. But they don’t flaunt their booty, preferring to stash it under the sofa for later retrieval. They may be chatty, but never catty. Their mantra? “Live and let live. And sleep in.” Despite their reputation for aloofness, they can’t resist a chance to purr.

They love putting on the dog, but never dog each other. You’d never catch these ladies using the “B” word! They’d never steal each other’s treats, or trash each other’s mates, or squabble over a catnip cigar. Unlike their namesakes, the Real Housecats of Denver add a touch of class to any home. Best of all, they are available for adoption now at the Dumb Friends League.